And by this one time, I mean multiple times. I am just going to share with you the background story of one of my tattoos and what it means to me, but first, let me set the stage for you.
The summer of 2012 was the worst summer of my life for various reasons.
I hope and pray that it will remain the worst, hardest and most painful season of my life. I had just come back from my first year on STINT and was anxiously awaiting the return to the motherland. I came back to America and struggled badly with reverse culture shock (basically, everything in your culture of origin is no longer “normal” to you). I had a hard time drawing boundaries with time and people’s expectations and the guilt that followed when I did not meet those expectations.
I was dating someone long distance and couldn’t quite figure that whole situation out. Broke up with said man, went through the ringer with another, and lost a good friend. All in 4 months. It was horrible. Sounds like the perfect time to get a permanent, ever-present, visible-at-all-seasons tattoo right? 😉 Well, that’s exactly the season I got this tattoo in.
I had been thinking about getting another tattoo for a few months. Maybe. I can’t remember. That whole summer, honestly, is quite the blur. Anyway, I knew I wanted a feather because of the illustration of God’s love for us in Matthew. [SIDENOTE: It ain’t a leaf, y’all]. While at our STINT reunion over labor day in Charlotte, I decided, “Now’s a great time to get that tattoo. John-Mark, draw me something and I’ll go get it.” I decided what color I wanted it in based off of Whitney’s nail color. Basically, this is my STINT team’s fault.
We’re in a Fish Taco place next to a tattoo parlor [Another sidenote: Fish Tacos are gross.] with time to spare, so I walked on next door and asked how much a little blue and white tattoo would be and when I could get it. The sweet lady behind the counter told me to put down a deposit and come back tomorrow. The next day, we wake up and go to church. The sermon is on Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Hilar. I decided in church that I was going through with the decision to get the tattoo. That’s not something you hear everyday…
I love that this passage talks about God’s provision to the birds and then where it segways into our importance to God. He sees us. He provides for us in all ways. Now, note during that season I was more than likely thinking just financial. I’m a missionary. We constantly have to trust God to provide in this area of our lives. But. I have seen God use that little blue feather on my finger as a reminder to me that He meets my needs in every way possible. He redirects my heart to the truth of his word even when I think I don’t need it.
In Him, there’s fullness and joy. Our God is an abundant God and He isn’t lacking in anything, so whatever need I have (need of grace, love, acceptance, peace, etc) He fulfills it.
I’ve learned a lot about how God loves me and sees me these past two years. He is perfect. And He perfectly loves me. I see that in His beautiful and bountiful provision of grace, I’m able to run with liberty towards Him in His holiness knowing that in Him, I’m complete, secure and cared for! God is too cool, y’all.
That’s the story behind my blue tattoo of a feather on my finger.