Sometimes I really, really regret making my tag-line on my blog, “Loving living wherever He leads.” Oftentimes, it isn’t entirely true. Sure, there are a ton of things that I love about Senegal. For instance, worship in French. I love it. My sweet, sweet sisters and friends, I could not go one day without being ever so thankful for them. And Senegalese food… ask my pants how much I love the food here. But there are a ton of times when I really am not in love with where I’m at.
Senegal is a hard place to live. It’s one of the hardest nations to reach with the gospel. It’s been a season of going hard, striving, laboring and oftentimes seeing very little fruit. Nevertheless, I am learning to love living wherever He leads not because Senegal is worthy but because He is.
I’m now embarking on a major transitional phase in my life. This phase often invites the ever-so-daunting question of, “What’s next, Mary?” As a proper and polite response, I always want to lie. I don’t mean a little white lie. I mean a “NASA-called-and-they-wanted-me-to-bioengineer-a-silicone-infused-seat-cushion-for-all-the-astro-butts-out-there” type of lie. My not-so-southern-belle ears think that response just sounds a lot better than “I don’t know.”
I have mixed emotions about ending out this STINT year and heading back into full-time ministry right away, but the way my heart has been created, I don’t want to do anything else BUT ministry. I’m having to daily submit to what the Lord has for me and where He’s leading because right now, I feel like I’m searching out jobs in vain. I’ve applied for a few jobs and researched others (from Portland all the way to Syria). Researching Aid organizations, NGOs, missions organizations, church jobs, Embassy positions, and even considering getting a Master’s degree in French… but I feel like it’s me stepping out trying to secure something rather than letting the Lord lead.
So, I am thinking to myself and gently asking the Lord, “What’s next?” I’m thinking the response I am looking for won’t come quickly. And I’m currently preparing for a pretty hefty waiting season, which (let’s be honest) I probably need.
And so I wait.
And I try to learn to love this season in which He’s leading. A season not defined by high-highs or low-lows; it’s just a season.